How Do I Help My Parents Decide What to Do With Our Family Home in Los Angeles?

Your parents still live in the house you grew up in, and you have started to wonder if the large family home is too much to maintain. Maybe there are stairs. Maybe there is a huge portion of the house that is not being used. Maybe the yard is too much to maintain. Maybe the annual maintenance is too much for your parents to cover financially, or a fall scared everyone. You are not sure whether to say anything, and if you do, you are not sure how to bring it up.

I sold my mother’s home of 45 years and my aunt’s home of 42 years, so I know how difficult these conversations can be, whether you are having them with yourself or thinking about having them with your parents.

As long as your parents are of sound mind to make their own decisions, it is their house and their call. Our role as adult children is to help them see their options, not to choose one for them. In my experience, a parent who feels pushed will resist, even if they agree with you in private.

I would start by asking, casually, what life feels like in the house right now. Is it becoming harder to maintain? What is the annual maintenance like? How do you see the next few years looking? A few more questions tend to go well:

• What do you like most about living here, and what is getting harder?
• If you could change one thing about your day to day, what would it be?
• Is there a place or a plan you have thought about, even loosely?
• Who do you want involved when decisions come up?

Then sit back and listen. A lot of adult children are surprised that their parents have probably thought about what to do with the family home longer than their kids realize.

If your parents express interest, or mention that they have thought about selling but do not know where to start, that is where I can offer some guidance. None of this commits anyone to selling. Here is what I would find out first.

• What the home is worth today. A home value review is no pressure, and it gives you a real number instead of a guess.
• Whether anything is owed on it.
• What the property taxes are, if they are thinking about downsizing and buying another home. Under Proposition 19, homeowners 55 or older can transfer their low tax base to a new home. The rules have details, and I wrote about them in whether you lose your low property taxes when you sell.
• What a sale would mean for capital gains taxes. Please have your parents talk with their CPA before anyone decides. My post on capital gains on a home you owned 30 years is a good place to start.

Keep the money part separate from the emotional part. People decide better when each one gets its own conversation.

Most families see two choices, stay forever or sell now. There are more.

• Stay, with changes. Sometimes a few changes make the house work for several more years, such as a bedroom and bathroom on the main floor, grab bars, better lighting, or help with the yard. A contractor or an occupational therapist can tell you what is realistic.
• Sell and stay, so you do not have to move in a rush. A rent-back lets your parents sell and keep living in the home for an agreed time after closing. I wrote about how it works in can I stay in my house after I sell it.
• Buy first, then sell. If your parents want a smaller place nearby, the order matters. Here is how that decision usually plays out.
• Prepare now, decide later. Sorting and repairs can start months before any decision about listing, at your parents’ pace. If a sale does happen, Market Ready Concierge can front the cost of getting the house ready, with nothing due upfront. Interest and fees apply, and repayment is due at closing, when the listing ends or after 12 months, subject to credit approval.

I would not start clearing the house before your parents have agreed to anything. I would not bring a Realtor to the house before your parents know why. And I would not make the first conversation about price. The house holds decades of your parents’ lives, and it is fine to move slowly. A few months of conversation costs very little next to a decision your parents regret.

The best first step costs nothing. Talk with your parents, ask one of those open-ended questions, and listen to the answer. If you get to a point where your family wants to look at numbers or talk through the options, I am happy to sit down with you and your parents together, at your pace. Here is how I work with sellers, and you can also start with a conversation, no pressure and no obligation. Reach out here.

I am not an estate attorney or a CPA, so please confirm the legal and tax pieces of any plan with the right professional.

How do I bring up selling the family home with my parents?

Start with their daily life in the house, not the sale. Ask casually what life feels like right now and what is getting harder, then listen. A first conversation does not need to end in a decision.

Who decides whether my parents sell the house?

They do, as long as they are of sound mind to make their own decisions. Your role as an adult child is to help them see their options, not to choose one for them.

What are my parents’ options besides selling?

They can stay and make changes to the house, sell and rent the home back for an agreed time, buy a smaller place first and then sell, or prepare the house now and decide later.

Do I need to clear out the house before talking with a Realtor?

No. Most of the sorting can wait until your parents have decided. Starting early is fine if they want to, but I would not clear the house on their behalf.

Will my parents lose their low property taxes if they sell?

Not necessarily. Proposition 19 lets homeowners 55 or older transfer the taxable value of their current home to a new one, up to three times, under rules I explain in my post on low property taxes when you sell. Please confirm your parents’ situation with a CPA or the County Assessor.

Nicole Strober is a REALTOR® with Compass in Los Angeles, CA (DRE #02001608) helping longtime homeowners, move-up buyers and families plan and make consequential moves across Culver City, Cheviot Hills, Beverlywood, West Adams, Mid-City, Ladera Heights and the San Fernando Valley.